Phase 3: Honour Others with ... 

1.   Boundaries 

They are mental, emotional or physical constructs that define or limit the area in which one is willing to live, work, or desire to be. Boundaries allow us to take care of ourselves, enable others to take care of themselves, and create the freedom of choice. By setting boundaries with others, we realize that to give, share, or support need not mean taking care of – we can say ‘no’ and still give love and support. 

2.   Compassion 

It is the ability to be one with others and sacrifice your needs for their needs without feeling depleted. It involves support, comfort and nourishment without doing for the other person what they need to do for themselves in order to grow. Helping another person out of obligation or fear will end up in the feeling of being used. True compassion strengthens and heals the giver and helps the receiver to heal themselves. 

3.   Closure 

This is a state of being complete through mental and emotional detachment. It is a form of release achieved by an action to bring to a close a relationship or situation. Closure begins with truthfully expressing one’s feelings. Every situation that no longer serves a divine purpose should be brought to a close. This enables a new beginning with new opportunities. 

4.   Non-judgment 

It is a state of mental and emotional openness and receptivity to new experiences and new interpretations of past experiences. It involves observing people or circumstances without the imposing of personal will, perceptions, or criticisms. We don’t ever fully understand any given situation, so we shouldn’t judge based on appearances. We tend to judge others by the judgments we have made of ourselves. Judgment closes the mind and heart to new levels of understanding. 

5.   Forgiveness 

This involves release or letting go – release of wrong thoughts or emotions in order to facilitate a change and achieve harmony. Forgiving someone does more for us than for the other person. We must give up pain, anger, resentment, and fear in order to experience goodness, joy, peace, and love. We also need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes – be it thoughts or actions. Forgiveness sets us free, but if we withhold it from others, we’ll remain hostage to our hurts and anger. 

6.   Service 

This is the ability to give of one’s time, knowledge and resources without expecting reward or recognition. Service supersedes work which is done for reward or recognition, not for the love of it. Service is the divine multiplier. Giving as an act of love will bring unexpected rewards. Love sparks passion, which in turn leads to spontaneity and creativity. When we trust ourselves and the Divine enough to surrender to the passion of what we love, we will be serving both God and humanity. Service provides rewards money cannot buy, gives purpose and focus, and will have lasting results on oneself and others – it is our divine gift to the world. 

Reference: Iyanla Vanzant, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up (Fireside, New York, 1998)

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